8 Fears

Fears?  What the hell is fear?  She who contemplates, fears.  I ignore the world and live in a happy bubble...

Okay, fine.  Sometimes it sneaks up on me.  But EIGHT?  I'll try!

1. Accidentally farting in public.  I feel this is a VERY common fear, and can openly state it.  Put your hand up if it isn't something you fear - I wanna know who you are.  And stay up wind from you.  And possibly not go out in public with you.  Not that I fart.  Ever.

2. Losing my job.  I. Be. F*cked.

3. Having Shae grow up and lose wonder.

4. Having Shae grow up and NOT BE HAPPY LIKE CRAZY.

5. Okay, just Shae growing up.  Life can be hard.  I'd like it to always just be discussions about how I don't have to hold onto the toilet seat when I pee, because my bum is big, but Shae has to hold on to the toilet seat because her bum is not big.  That was tonight's big insight about the world from the mind of Shae.  That deep.  That's as heavy as I ever want it to get for her.  How we both cope with not falling into the toilet.

6. Dying suddenly at home, before Shae can call for help and she has to fend for herself for days before someone comes to check it out... and finds her crying her eyes out over her unresponsive mother.  Well, that's death fear 6(a).  It's fairly specific.  Death fears could be broken into 6(a), 6(b) - dying before Shae has family of her own, 6(c) - dying well past the life span of my braincells... this list could take a while.  Death.  It just sucks in so many variations.


7. Having a professional tell me, "Actually, you're hopeless."  Whether the person delivering it is a doctor, a therapist, a matchmaker, or an employment counsellor... to have hope taken away is a wretched, horrid hole rent into the fabric of a life.

8. Getting lost!  The greatest gift I've ever received was my Garmin.  So - I really only have SEVEN fears that I need to face.  I wonder which one of those other seven can be erased with technology too...