Friday, 23 December 2011

Jingle Bells!

Tonight, Shae and I proudly donned our Elf hats and stood in a -58 degree line up (hyperbole...) for 20 minutes and had a 5 minute horse and carriage ride through downtown Brampton...

It was cold, there was LOTS of traffic... and it was a fairly ugly stretch of city we saw... it was FIFTEEN dollars for it... but it was worth it to watch Shae puff with pride when I told her this was how princesses get around.  Then she did her princess wave to all the people we passed.  It was a memory maker.  Enjoy the craptacular photodocumentation...






Fast asleep - just too much fun.
.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

The Graduate

I can't believe it... it's here already... my baby graduated!







From Swim School.  WHATEVER.  It's a big deal for ME.  She passed THREE levels!  She's like, the greatest graduate in the history of graduates in the entire world.  EVER.

I'm a little proud of her.  And apparently, obnoxious.

A photo of my graduate with her first certificate.  She's going into... SEA TURTLE.  The big times.



And a video from her last class:

Sunday, 18 December 2011

"Love You Forever..."

Robert Munsch (seriously, it took me THREE tries to type his last name right!) penned the book. The book that makes most moms weep (and others cringe).  It's about a mom that sneaks into her son's room at various stages of his life- even after he moves out and has a child of his own (the cringe-worthy part)- and takes him onto her lap to rock and sing to him.

I read it before I had a child, and it was mushy and moving, and of course, now that I have a kid, it makes me bawl my face off when he ends up rocking his mom at the end.  I actually don't own it.  Weird right?  But I think it's too heavy a read for a three year old, and I don't want to bawl my face off every time she requests it.

The book is in my head lately because I seem to be going through a grieving process of late.  It's not all consuming or anything requiring medicaton - but lately, I've started staying in bed with Shae after she goes to sleep.  I study her face the way I did when she was a newborn, and completely foreign to me.

Her face floats back and forth between the sleeping 1 week old and the sleeping 3 year old.  Her lips are transposed over the memory of her brand new wrinkly lips and her flushed sleeping cheeks are a gateway to remembering how small her little face was - when I could kiss a quarter of her face at a time.

And I CRY!  I cry and cry and cry and cry, big woeisme sobs with runny nose, while I look over her long form and smell her stinky sleepy breath and kiss her little face as much as I like because she can't protest - because when did this happen?  When did she stop being a baby?

How am I ever going to live when she is too big to want me to throw out my arm to snuggle under?  How will I ever remember how lovely it was to sneak into her bed and stroke her impossibly soft face and kiss that soft place under her chin I made?  HOW FAST will it seem that she is ready to live out in the world after it's happened?

And it's too much and too terrible to comprehend - and it's MY JOB.  I have to MAKE her ready to do that.  To make her way.  And so I cry - because it's the VERY LAST THING I want to imagine doing - and the single most important thing I'll do.  An absolute catch .22. 

How did Robert Munsch see into my future?  Did his mom do this too?  I'll bet.  I'll bet moms everywhere do this awful terrible task, and only mourn the passing from year to every better year in the dark of a bedroom, over their sleeping baby's form...

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Two Songs

Two songs... these two have opposite themes and remind me of the way I'd love to live life, and avoid at all costs.  One is amazing to sing, the other one is so powerful to listen to - it brings tears to my eyes often... and I've listened to it 150303 times.  Country, of course, because I'm a bumpkin.


Dixie Chicks - Top of the World - written by the most flucking amazing songwriter eeeever.  This song breaks my heart - so much regret for a life not only lived in way that hurt the subject - but the effect on the people around him.  Please God, don't let this be me.  It's long... but stick with it - it moves me unlike any other lyric/performance.



Travis Tritt - It's a Great Day to Be Alive - Heck ya!  It's the little blessings - they are all around us.  Possibility and choice can be found in your bathroom mirror.  This song ALWAYS lifts me up... and I'll sing it loud and proud with the windows down in the middle of ANYWHERE.

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Three Films

Oh, you thought I abandoned the blog, right?  It ain't Christmas yet, bitches.  No such luck.

Onward with this tedious chore list...

Three films.

I don't watch many movies twice.  And really, all the films I have in my head right now are Christmas... so - a theme.  3 CHRISTMAS films....

1. Elf - for one, Zooey Deschanel is mesmerizing.  for two, the scene where Buddy picks random gum... never stops being funny.  for three, Will Ferrell's deadpan shock when Santa is explaining the rest of the world's lack of Christmas spirit - perfection.  I giggle ALL THE WAY THROUGH this movie.


 2. A Charlie Brown Christmas - Linus makes me cry every.damn.year.
3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - Do I even NEED to specify the original?  When his little cartoony heart grew three sizes that day?

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

4 Books

I sorta suck at books.  I love to read - but rarely does anything stick with me, and I don't often reread...  but, I'll list the four I do love.

1. Lambs of God - Marele Day   Terrible reviews.  I thought it was dark whimsy/awful weirdness.   Loved it and haven't read anything like it.

2. Wizard of Earthsea - Ursula Le Guin   An amazing preteen read - about accepting your whole self.

3. Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha - Roddy Doyle  This book challenged me initially, and then moved me deeply.

4. The Middle Stories - Sheila Heti   Just fucking awesome.  I can't describe them... but they are fairy tales for grown-ups.  It is a book I wish I'd written.

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Five Foods

Five foods, eh?  Pasta, pasta, pasta, pasta, ice cream.  Specifically, New York Super Fudge Chunk.  It even made my 10 Loves!

Seriously, I'm a carb whore.  Fastest way to my heart, and also, a very large ass.  And tummy.  And wibblywobbly underarm area.  Sigh.  Why can't Raphael's Galatea be the gold standard in women's physiques?  WHYYYYY?  *sniff*

Anyway...

1. My gramma's stuffing.  Ohhhhhh wet, gooey globs of bread and onion and... other stuff.  It's a mystery.  The most delicious mystery... I DO know she saves up her dried bread for it.

2. Poutine.  NOT cheese, fries and gravy (though, let's face it... addicts will cram anything in their gob)... real curd is an absolute must.

3. My gramma's gravy.  Mmmm.  You know what would have made this list if I had ever been blessed to put such magic to my greedy mouth?  Poutine made with gramma's gravy.  Oh.  Christmas might just make that dream a reality.

4. This one is vague.  There was a restaurant in Madoc, Ontario when I was on maternity leave that closed down - it served loaded fries.  Fries with sour cream, cheddar, bacon bits, tomatoes, green onions, ummmm.... I think that's it.  Like Taco Bell supreme fries, only WITH REAL INGREDIENTS.  It was an orgasm in a disposible pie plate for a carb craver.  

5.  Chicken Fajitas.  I could live exclusively on fajitas.  When I'm 70, and feel I've lived a wonderful long life... I'm going to do just that.  And poutine.  And icecreampastaloadedfries.  Screw veggies.

Monday, 5 December 2011

6 Places

Six places.  I just finished reading 6 awesome places here and I'm having a REALLY hard time thinking of somewhere original!  Plagiarism.  So tempting.

I'll list 6 places I love, instead!

1.  This one is a tiny bit plagiarized.   Sorry Fancy!  Remember my seven wants that pretty much sounded like I lived in a hovel, with the roof about to fall in?  That place.  The house that my family lives in.  Lately, I've been feeling like a family of two was somehow less of a family.  But hey, we have love, and we have a house that love is building.  We're building little traditions in our little house, that are just right for this little family.  Love this house.

2.  The little dip in the rocks, under the pine, above the house in Flinton.  It has a floor of moss, and I'd sit in there and dream silly things about childhood loves and who I'd be when the new school year started.  That's my place.

3.  Way up in a pine tree.  I miss the fearlessness that allowed me to scale 60+ foot pines (the very, VERY best, if stickiest, trees to climb) and sit for as long as I wasn't being summoned to supper.  Pines hold a special place in my heart.  So many of my childhood memories are scented by them.  Poking holes in veins of sap just to see it bead up, using the flexible strong branches to lower me to another level of rock, gathering up dry needles to hear them flare and turn in to orange curls near a fire... I sure did love tree sitting and watching the forest go by around me.

4.  My teeny weeny bachelor pad I had in Gananoque.  Now, if you had told me when I lived there, that I would say this years later, I would tell you to set down the crack pipe.  But it had floor to ceiling windows with "sit in me" sills, and an old deep bath tub.  The rent was 400.00 a month.  Other than that, it was the size of a closet... but man, I LOVED reading by those windows and soaking in that tub with a candle or 12 and a book.  And paying so damn little to live.  I'll never know that again!

5.  The pond behind out first house is Flinton.  I wish Shae could study four seasons of a single pond!  Tadpoles, frogs, dry up (and these insanely tiny frogs that would appear), refill and freeze up to shovel for a skate.  Hmmmm... my yard now IS pretty large...

6.  My last favorite place is no longer there... the bridge outside of my gramma/parent's house was replaced the year I had Shae.  They built a new one beside it, and pulled down the old.  We used to jump off the bridge and swim out to bask on the rocks by shore for entire days.  I once stepped on a pond frog in my zeal to leap into the river, got out and watched that poor frogs heart stop beating  as it rested just outside its mouth.  I knew where EVERY damn boulder was and knicked my foot off of every single one anyway.  There's likely 100 of my hooks, and many cheap pieces of jewellery I've lost in the tiny bit of river... and now it's gone.  So much detail etched into that place.  I miss my bridge.

My brother and my nephew there.  You can see the jumping rock beneath and behind.


Sunday, 4 December 2011

Seven Wants

Oh, I'm the greediest greedy monster ever... and we all know I'd like to end world suffering, find world peace, shield my baby from hurt. 

I'm a proud owner of a fixer upper, so I'm just going to give you the house list.

1. Attic insulated
2. New roof
3. A couple of new windows - like, actual punch holes in the walls new windows
4. New floors/refinished floors
5. Finished basement
6. Leather sofa
7. Updated lighting
8. Bathroom redo
9. Wooden shutters in the front windows
10. Waterproof the basement (should be before 5, I suppose!)
11. Fenced yard
12. Brick... okay, I'd settle for siding.  Just not what lives there now.
13. Redo the garage, attach it, and get a proper landing at the side.

Oh man, that's even longer than I thought... Seven.  Pfft.

I actually bought it for the lot.  And the stairs.  And the pride of ownership.

Saturday, 3 December 2011

We Interrupt This Countdown...

Seriously.  Very IMPORTANT news - and I don't feel like stretching my brain tonight for the countdown...

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS!

Tree - 2011

Homemade Salt Dough Ornaments - love decking our tree with our own handiwork!

Cod and the tree - peace has been made.

The little crochet snowmen I've been making up and giving out!
Our new ornaments - 2011 - a little glass symbolic house, my choice... and Shae's choice - Santa!

Shae's ornament crafting additions

Playmobil Advent Calendar
Our entirely mashed up gingerbread house.  Love it!

SANTA!  She's TOTALLY into it this year.  Christmas is SO FUN with kids!

Friday, 2 December 2011

8 Fears

Fears?  What the hell is fear?  She who contemplates, fears.  I ignore the world and live in a happy bubble...

Okay, fine.  Sometimes it sneaks up on me.  But EIGHT?  I'll try!

1. Accidentally farting in public.  I feel this is a VERY common fear, and can openly state it.  Put your hand up if it isn't something you fear - I wanna know who you are.  And stay up wind from you.  And possibly not go out in public with you.  Not that I fart.  Ever.

2. Losing my job.  I. Be. F*cked.

3. Having Shae grow up and lose wonder.

4. Having Shae grow up and NOT BE HAPPY LIKE CRAZY.

5. Okay, just Shae growing up.  Life can be hard.  I'd like it to always just be discussions about how I don't have to hold onto the toilet seat when I pee, because my bum is big, but Shae has to hold on to the toilet seat because her bum is not big.  That was tonight's big insight about the world from the mind of Shae.  That deep.  That's as heavy as I ever want it to get for her.  How we both cope with not falling into the toilet.

6. Dying suddenly at home, before Shae can call for help and she has to fend for herself for days before someone comes to check it out... and finds her crying her eyes out over her unresponsive mother.  Well, that's death fear 6(a).  It's fairly specific.  Death fears could be broken into 6(a), 6(b) - dying before Shae has family of her own, 6(c) - dying well past the life span of my braincells... this list could take a while.  Death.  It just sucks in so many variations.


7. Having a professional tell me, "Actually, you're hopeless."  Whether the person delivering it is a doctor, a therapist, a matchmaker, or an employment counsellor... to have hope taken away is a wretched, horrid hole rent into the fabric of a life.

8. Getting lost!  The greatest gift I've ever received was my Garmin.  So - I really only have SEVEN fears that I need to face.  I wonder which one of those other seven can be erased with technology too...

Thursday, 1 December 2011

NINE LOVES!

So - nine loves.  I'm going to first remove Shae and family and friends from the equation... let's be real - those are given.  LOVE THEM.  I'm thinking 9 less obvious loves.  You already know about the freshly cut toe nails.  I will also exclude those.

1. The smell of wood fires in winter.  Slowly, all the woodstoves are sneaking out of my life... but I won't soon forget the sound of crunching, packable snow under my feet, the nagging sniffle of an "I've been outside too long" nose... as it catches that first whiff of toasty dry heat.  Mm.

2. Baths that drag on so long that I drain some and reheat with scorching hot water.  It's never as hot as it is when I first get in - hot enough that your foot tingles as you set it in... and you sloooooowly ease yourself in... but the top up - that's bliss.  It's like a long hug.

3. Sliding my hand under the shirt of someone I like in that liiiiiiike kinda way.  Ohhhhhh racy, right?  It SERIOUSLY gives me the best thrill - it's so damn personal.  It always feels so cozy!  It always feels so connected.   Love it.

4. Memories of hopping out from the Skootamatta River and onto the hot rock to bask in the sun until dry - and repeat.  I was preteen - and it was pre-skin cancer, pre-wrinkle worries, pre-obligations, pre-should be doing laundry, pre-what do my thighs look like...  free.  The laziest most self indulgent free of my life.

5. Tied to 4 - love that I grew up in the country.  Love that I don't mind swimming in rivers and lakes, can catch a frog, and know of awesome ways to kill an entire week outdoors for FREE.  love that summer months will always be tied to wild strawberries, blackberry season, and the miracle that is the overwhelming joy of seeing your first dragonfly after bug season.

6. Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk

7. The first sentence of my daughter's day.  She never fails to surprise me with it - she's always mulling over something important to her in those first few minutes.  I'll be sad for the loss of those first couple of minutes of the morning when she someday decides to stay in her own bed every night.

8. Campfires with a beer, a hoodie, and some funny people.  The good funny - the one's that say silly things and have wicked stories to tell.

9. Eating someone else's cooking.  Its magic!  Some incredible act always transforms things like, "spaghetti" into "Oh my GAWD!  WHAT IS IN THIS...SPAGHETTI?  HEROIN?  I CAN'T STOP LOVING THIS SPAGHETTI".

It's absolutely conversely related to (I can't stop questioning my phrasing there - add love of language slaughtery - oh.  there I go again...) my hate-on for cooking my own food.  Baking - yes.  Cooking - hellsf*ckingno.

Aaaaaaaanyhooooooow... feed me.