The Big Stuff

So, this past weekend, Shae and I went to the park.  We celebrated a milestone there - the BIG swings.  I was terrified, and she was adamant.  We compromised with very gentle pushes that would have been approved for a person that was 9 months pregnant, suffering from a heart condition and brittle bone disorder.

She was still thrilled I let her go...

 She also built a castle... out of sticks, and cigarette butts (seriously?  People don't think better of tossing a CIGARETTE in a playground.  Oy. )  She also put that piece of a green balloon to her lips.  Tomorrow's photos will be of me testing her for communicable diseases at the doctors office.

The finished castle:

Pffft.

So, big things are happening in our little life...

Tonight, Shae and I walked through the home I bought.  We get the keys in two days!

Anyhow, this is not the highlight of my day, it's just the reason we ended up at McDonalds for dinner, where the highlight actually took place.

McDonalds, as everyone knows, is equipped with swanky booths made of the... finest plastic.  Today was a scorcher, so Shae was wearing a sundress.  Being potty trained now, she's also in underwear.  Do you know where this is going?

Shae is squirmy and as her butt is just touching the plastic seat, her dress is kind of hiked up a little - and she lets the BIGGEST, LONGEST fart ever.  In the history of the world.  I thought she pooped.  The plastic seat and just underweared butt on it - made it sort of echo, and amplify.  It was truly, I really mean it... it was truly an epic fart.

Before I could even consider asking her to excuse herself she yells (for the benefit of the one guy on the other end of the restaurant, "I TOOOOOOOOOOTED!"

So I laugh.  And laugh, and laugh and laugh and laugh some more.  Way too long to tell her she really should excuse herself.  Giggled about it on the way home.  Heck, I'm giggling now.

I'm raising a total lady.  She stands no chance.

This Is What My Kid Said:

Ahem.  I'm sure she picked it up at daycare... She said it 4 times in the car on the way to Rona... and she had the most reflective look on her face, like she was considering the usage.  Took care to enunciate.  Like it really mattered, and she REALLY meant it.  I'm mortified.

Today's Favorite Thing

We're a huggykissy kinda family.  At the daycare drop off, Shae calls me back after the first hug and kiss goodbye, almost without fail, for another round before I close the door.

This week, she's started asking, "You want a kiss on top your head?  Okay!" and shoves my face towards my shoes to kiss the tippytop of my noggin.  I do not do this to her.  It's her own kissy invention, and I love it.

Fashion Parade

Oh to be two and fashion fearless...

...Pajamas through the neighborhood...

...Trend setting...

...Rocking heels with EVERYTHING...

...and ALWAYS feeling great about what you see in the mirror...

Toddler Logic

My car is in the shop getting 1700.00 in repairs... so they kindly paid for a rental until my car is fixed.  When I picked Shae up tonight, the new car was a big topic of conversation. 

She asked me, "Where's our old car?"

"It's broken, so Mommy took it to the shop, and they are going to fix it."

Logically, Shae said, "Oh, did it fell down?"

Ego Stroke

"Someday, I will have a big head like you, right Mommy?"

I'm not sure if my skull is disproportionate, or if I'm overly fond of myself.

Summer Fun

Is there anything more reminiscent of childhood summers than the sprinkler?  On a well for most of my childhood, the sprinkler was a rare treat, but oh, it was a sweet one....

Fukasmoe

Anyone know what a "Fukasmoe" is?

Shae and I went for a long walk this evening around the neighborhood.  Shae starts singing "Fukasmoe!  Fukasmoe!  Fukasmoe!" over and over again.

So I whisper (in case someone hears me saying the F-bomb to my kid), "Shae?  What is a .... fukasmoe?"

Shae says, "Fukasmoe... lives on the farm.  It eats.  A FUK....A....SMOE"

I said, "Oh.  Right.  A fukasmoe."

No idea.  Antelope?  Really, no idea.  I agreed and tried distraction: "Oh!  Look!  A kitty!"...as I pointed at NOTHING...

"Home, home on the raaaaaange!  Where the deer and the fukasmoe plaaaaay..."

A Picture (or, I'm Lazy, so I Won't Post)

Who noticed MOM has the sippy cup, and the 2 year old has a real one?

For 12 year Old Shae, A Gift

Dear Shae,

One day, about 8-10 years from now, I will throw open your bedroom door and look around with disgust at the state of your room.  The one you are expected to maintain.  It will be a disaster zone.

I will haughtily sniff, turn up my nose and threaten to lock up your iPod Neenonanomini until you clean that pigsty up.  You will already know what I'm thinking without me saying, because I've said it a billion times before, "Humans can't POSSIBLY live like this.  It's disgusting."  It'll look something like this:

You can call me a hypocrite on that day.  I officially give up, and only hope between now and some point in the future, I earn enough to pay someone to do this tedious cleaning up baloney for me...

Santa in June.

This Christmas was the first Christmas that Shae seemed to have some idea of who Santa is, and what he brings.  I made good use of the old threat, "I'll tell Santa what a naughty girl you've been!"

After Christmas, for about 6 solid weeks, Shae would ask if Santa was coming that night.  I started to wonder if this would be a question she would ask 365 nights a year and I'd have to disappoint her all over again 364 of them.

Finally, around the middle of February, she made peace with the idea that Christmas was a long way off, and stopped asking about the jolly, fat man.

But, Santa lives.

In fact, Shae has taken to telling me: "Acshee (actually- a household favorite word) I goin' tell Santa on you, Mommy" when I do terrible things, like refuse her ice cream before dinner.

Looks like I can start pulling that threat out in June.  Things are gonna get settled around here a lot faster with Santa back in the arsenal!

Drama Queen

Dear Shae,

This is one example of why I like to say less and watch more when you play.  You're very amusing.  And quite the actress.

Call Me What You Want, Just Don't Call Me...

Overheard: Shae, playing alone, ALL ALONE, in her play room...

"I'm not Gramma, I'm not Poppa, I'm not Rhonda, I'm not Jecka, I'm not Kaferin, I'm not Gigi, I'm not Hayden, I'm not Juya, I'm not Uncka Shane, I'm not Dylan...

and I'm NOT GOING TO BED!  No."

At least she knows who she's not.  And where she's not going.  An important part of the journey, I guess, to discovering who she is, and where she IS going.

A Song

This, my friends, is standard bath time singsong.  We sang it with gusto and great belly laughs this past evening.

To the tune of Sesame Street's, "Rubber Ducky":

Shae lin Hun ter, yer the one!
You make farting LOTS of FUN!
Shae lin Hun ter, is awfully fond of POOOOO!  (doodoodeedoooo)
Farty poop poop, 
TOOT Pee peeEEEeee!
Poopy farty, 
fart poopYYYyyyy!
Shae lin Hun ter, is awfully fond of poooooooooo (peepee peeyoooouuuu)

Honestly.  Teachers will call me, right?  I'll teach her farts aren't funny.
Someday.
Maybe.
Or not.

Mean Girl?

Shae: Mommy!  Come push me on dis swing!

Me:  No.  I'm watering your flowers!

Shae:  I NO BE YOUR FRIEND!

Me:  That's okay.  You don't have to be my friend.  I still love you.

Shae:  I NO BE LUFFING YOU!  I NOOOOO BE LUUUUUUUUUFFING YOU, MOMMY!

*sniff*

No really, I grinned and luffed her a little bit harder.

The Single Mom Sunburn

A bright, hot, lovely day at the zoo provided this example of how single moms sunburn.

My hands can't reach.  My kid can't follow instructions.

Silence is Golden...

It also means Shae found her old soother, "Pucky" in the toy room... the soother that was Shae's only "must" for bedtime, and was SO sad to give up.  Like "heartbroken sobs that almost made me turn in my mom card" sad. 

Apparently, I missed the one at the bottom of the stuffy bin.  Go me.  Can't wait to tackle THAT demon again.

Today's Best View

I am amused.  Not just teens wearing their jeans too low these days.

Welcome!

Soooo - I suck at the "baby book".  And my kid says some funny things!  And we do silly things!  I figure, 2.5 years after birthing her, I should chronicle some of it.  We also do a lot of boring things.  And tedious things.  I'm gonna bore you with those too.

In case you just stumbled across this blog, I'm Mandy - among other things, a full time working, self sufficient, single mom of Shae.  She was born in October of 2008 - and has been making me laugh and cry ever since.  We are on our own - pretty much all the time. 

So - my first Fish(d) Tale:

What I say-
HOLY SMOKES!
What Shae says-
OLY FOLKS!

She also told me she I have a "big, funny bum".  It must make faces or something when I'm not looking.